Wednesday, August 08, 2012

A year ago

It's done. The year of me remembering what I was doing with Cameron at any point the previous year. It's done. The Banff trip with his family, the trip to BC, the move to Saskatoon, all the things we did in Saskatoon while he was visiting. 

Now is a whole new anniversary. It's when we stopped doing things together.

I wrote that at the end of August, but we broke up around this time. I don't know the exact date, but I do know we were slowly getting to our breaking point, and it could have been a year ago today. It's not the last time in the year we saw each other, and it's not the last time we spoke to each other. I have those memories as well, but it was the end of us as a couple. Not the end of us as friends, but we didn't really have any more adventures together after that. So, my flashbacks of what we were doing a year ago are done. 

It slowly became less about us, and more about me finding out who I was again. It's so easy to forget. Truth be told, it wasn't a good year. I ate too much, I drank too much, I was depressed, I was broke, I made mistakes, and I had a rash. I think the rash was caused by stress and unhappiness, but I don't have proof of that. I still spoke to Cameron, and I missed him. I was slowly learning that I could do it all on my own (and that I always could).

It wasn't until the new year, that I actually started doing things for myself, living a better life, and being happy. I don't want to jinx it, and I hate to say it because of what was lost, but it's been a good year so far. (no rash). I'm writing a lot. I'm spending time with people I enjoy, and I'm doing things by myself if I don't have friends around. I'm me again -just a new and different me (because as I've said before, I will never stop changing).

There are still things I need to work on, and still things that I may have to continue to address (possibly my whole life. ) I'd love to just be happy all the time, and never feel depression creeping in. However, I don't think that's going to happen. I think it's something I have to fight for (or fight against), and I will. I'll also continue to win. I kept myself really  busy this weekend (which may be why I'm so exhausted this week), and I know it was in defense of myself. Instead of sleeping all day, I went for walks, went to plays, and got out of the house. More to that story, but I don't really feel like going into it yet. (or ever).

Anyway, this is not an anniversary to celebrate. It's just something that happened a year ago today (or close to), and I think the year following it has been such a roller coaster of events and emotions. I'm hoping for life and emotions to slow down a little. Let me enjoy it.

To the next writing project...

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