Tuesday, November 22, 2011

starting over

I'm getting sick of starting over. I feel like I've done it too many times. I can't really complain about it because every time I've moved, it's been my decision. It just seems like every time I move to a new city or town I lose things, and I have to rebuild my life.

At least this time, I have my family and friends close to me to help when I'm feeling like a break down. (Not that I'll tell them). I am a little worried about the fact that my  job is covering a maternity leave. I know if it's not extended, that I'm going to once again, be ready to start new, which may end up starting out new somewhere else.

I guess the reason it's bugging me lately is because I was starting a life in Whitecourt with Cameron. I am always happy to not be in Whitecourt anymore. That town was making me miserable, but my house that I had made into my home with Cameron, Karmen (my dog), and Rolo (my cat). Now I have none of those things, and no longer have the home. (or the hot tub, heated garage or car)... None of those things really mean anything to me. I miss them sometimes, even though I hate to admit it. I miss talking to Cameron, and snuggling with my Rolo, and playing with Karmen. I'm fine with Cameron and I not being in a relationship -it was time. That doesn't mean I can't miss what I once had.

I want to look forward to what's happening, but for the first time in my life, I want to know what it is. I never wanted to know or care before, but now I want to know if I'll be here in a year, and if I'll still have my job... and you know... a glimpse into my romantic future would be nice as well. Husband and kids and all that. I guess I just want to hurry my life along, and I really don't want to have to start over in a new city again. I want to be happy with where I am, no matter what happens.

Anyway, not really sure that this blog was needed, or that it made a lot of sense, but I haven't had time to write fiction so I thought I better write non-fiction. I guess I have a journal for that as well.

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