Thursday, May 03, 2012

The Court of White

I'm going to Whitecourt this weekend. I'm going with my mom because I honestly don't think I can do it alone. I need to check into my condo and make sure my renters are still good.

I've been losing sleep and stressing about this for days. It hit me last night, as I was writing in my journal to Cameron, that I'm about to see the last place we hugged. The place we said goodbye for the last time (except I didn't know it was the last time). I will probably walk past his house. I won't go in (because it's not mine), but I know I'll walk past it. We will drive past the place on the highway. The place. I don't know exactly where it is, but I have an idea.

Everything in Whitecourt is memories of Cameron and I. I thought I was stressed out before, it's just building up.

I hate losing it in front of people. I hate crying in front of people -including my mom.

I HATE not being strong, but I've somehow lost all my strength these last few days, and am left with a tension headache, a pain in my chest, and tears.

I'll write when I get back.

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