Friday, September 03, 2010

What used to be fiction

I used to write so much. I wrote true things in my journal, and fiction for others to read. To be perfectly honest, I was pretty good. I put myself into the story, and was able to feel things that I had never experienced in a different character.

I can't do that anymore. I keep trying, but I'm not able to finish a short story. I do much better at writing non-fiction. Well -I would do better, if I sat down and started. I may have found it easier to write fiction when I was naive, and hadn't experienced life. Now, my head is full of my own life, and things that are happening to people I know.

I've got a lot of memories and plans rolling around in my head lately. I'm pretty sure it's because my 30th is looming. (I mean REALLY looming as it's September 11th).

I'm actually not sad to be growing older. I love new phases. My 20s were great and busy, and I'm so proud of what I did. However, I feel like I'm still so behind in life. I guess, it's the stereotypes I feel like I'm behind in. I'm turning 30, and I don't have a career or a husband or kids. I can understand not having all three, but I really wanted something. I've been focusing on my career, I guess. I mean, why else would I have gotten a University degree and then go back for a Broadcasting diploma? I had hoped radio was my career. Actually I still hope radio will be a career, it just can't be in sales. Which means, I have to take a break from radio until I can find something.

Once again, I've gotten off the topic. I don't have either of these. (I'm including marriage and kids as one, even though it isn't necessary). I want a career, but if I have to work a crap job while still writing, that's fine, as long as I'm writing, and as long as the writing is going somewhere. (I do want a great job too though). The marriage and kids... well I don't have them yet. However, I've found a man that I love more than anything. We live together in a great house, and have a cat and a dog. That's a family. We aren't married -we aren't even engaged, but we're happy and in love. I should be happy with that. I am happy with that. Kids is a topic I'll have to get into later. Too much for the 30 post.

When I was just a kid, I wrote letters to myself to open when I turned 20. It's something that makes me feel great about me as a kid. I loved writing even then. I opened them all September 11, 2000. That day, I decided to write myself letters for another 10 years to open September 11, 2010. I don't know what to expect. There have been drastic changes from my first letter to the last. My 20s were a whirlwind of experiences and life. I might have to take a bit of alone time on that day.

I guess, I have to go into my 30s with more goals because I'm at a point in my life, where they feel important. Things that will make me a better person, things I want, fun goals and life goals. I'll probably share them here.

This isn't what I had planned this post to be, but I guess that's the way I am. Too many things rolling around in my head -as I said. I have to get them out one thing at a time.

I'll try to write tomorrow. No promises though.

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