Goodbye 31

I'm going to be 32 in two and a half hours. I don't really think 32 is old anymore -I don't know what is old. I do think that even though I've done a lot in my life I'm proud of, I still have so many things I think I should have at this age. I think I should be able to afford a car. I should be able to live alone. I should have written something meaningful by now. I should have somebody to love me, and of course, the thing I think is so important, and every birthday it feels farther away is having kids. Interesting how I didn't even want kids 5 years ago. Now for some reason, I'm stuck in the mind-set that kids are a defining thing in life.

I am so proud of myself. I've done a lot in my life. More than once, I've gotten onto a plane and travelled somewhere all by myself with no fear., and that's just the start of my bravery. I just haven't done any of that lately.

This past year has been all about surviving (hell, the past few years have). I haven't had a lot of time to focus on fun, and adventure, and I hope I can do more of that while I'm in my 32nd year of life. I'm proud of myself for the surviving as well, I just need a break.

So -now in less than two hours (it doesn't really take me this long to do a blog entry, I just get distracted easily), I will be 32. Here are things I want for 32.

I want to write without thinking about what it will become. I want to write for me.

I want to be volunteer. I think it'll make me happier in my job as well. My job isn't helping people, but that doesn't mean I can't help people. I will start by October.

I want to accept where I am in life. With kids or without. With somebody who loves me or without. I know who I am, and am confident. I need to stop letting the things I don't have define me.

I want to continue looking and being my best. (gym and eating healthy).

That's all. These are important, and will take most of the year to figure out (or more).