Miss Him

I miss Cameron. Missing him isn't a new feeling. It's kind of a constant. I missed him before he died, but all I had to do was call him or email him and tell him. It just hits me every once in a while. Hits me all over again, that I won't be talking to him again. I sometimes relive the day I found out he died. I remember waiting at work to have it confirmed. And I fight back tears. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don't.

I'm fine with the fact that I still feel this way. I don't really share it with a lot of people, but I don't hide it either. I miss my friend. He was my family for three years in Whitecourt. I no longer have him, Karmen (the dog) or Rolo (the cat). It's shocking how different my life is now.

How do I get through this? I breath. I write. I give myself the time I need to feel bad about my loss, and about his family's loss. Then I continue my day.

I really am happy with the way my life is headed right now. I'm doing things that are for me, and me alone (exercising and attempting to date). I just wish I could share it all with him. In person, not writing him letters in my journal. I hate that I make wishes like that because they aren't going to happen.

That's it. I miss him.